Last July, I read an article on MSNBC about women who gave up their children in a divorce (Moms Reveal Why They Gave Up Their Children). I've been thinking about it lately because of the woman sending her adopted child back to Russia in the news. I don't know anything about that case but after I read the article in July I wasn't quite sure how I felt so I clicked on the comments to see what other people thought. I was horrified.
The amount of terrible things that people, who didn't even know these women, were saying appalled me. Who were they to judge these women? Were they all perfect mothers who had never made a single mistake in their child's life? Had they always put their child's needs before their own no matter what? Did they absolutely love every second of motherhood including dirty diapers, unreasonable screaming, body changes, and a lack of a social life? Would admitting if they didn’t make them bad mothers? Are they Pod Mommies?
I'm all for supporting other women. I think that women spend entirely too much time attacking each other instead of helping each other. That said, there are a pack of women out there who are taking down the team. They are ruining reasonable expectations from men, what is considered socially acceptable when it comes to child rearing, and basically any good time a women who has a baby can expect to have without that baby. These woman need to be stopped in their lies and brainwashing and all women need to wake up and realize that there is more to life than procreating.
I'm sick and tired of mothers thinking that have any right to judge another woman about her reproductive rights based on the fact that they pushed out another mouth to feed. Just because you have a healthy baby and did things a certain way doesn't mean that you are automatically right. Nor does it mean that you are a better mother than someone who does it differently. I think that people with PhDs are really the only ones qualified to make the decision on what is best for a baby.
The rest is all guilt. It is guilt that you don't have more time to spend with your baby. It is guilt that you don't have enough money to buy the baby the best things. It is the guilt that you don't love your baby enough. Why are we so worried that if a mother doesn't make a baby the center of her universe that she doesn't love it enough? Hello, people! Babies were for growing into children to work the family farm up until about 80 years ago. Is it because we as a society have blamed every human flaw on the perpetrator's mother not loving them enough? That's crap! We are raising a bunch of spoiled brats that can't do anything without mommy or daddy's help.
Women need to stop judging other women for their choices. You gave up your career and have dedicated your life to your children. Good for you. I hope that they all turn out beautifully and you feel fulfilled. But don't get your panties in a wad about the working mother down the street or the stay-at-home mom in your play group who still likes to go out without her kids every weekend. As long as the kids are being raised in a safe and loving home who cares? And can we please talk about something other than your kids for once. You were a smart, vibrant woman before children and had insightful, interesting opinions on things outside your wonderful growing family.
I think that it would do all women some good to get a little perspective on this. We need to stop competing with each other over things that don't matter. Raise your kids your own way and respect the way others raise theirs. Then we might actually have an interesting discussion instead of wasting our time with mean gossip.
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